When you walk around bald, you get a lot of stares. That was me. I never could get interested in wearing a wig.
When you go through cancer, you have to make a choice: will you dwell on the negative and live in a pity-party or will you choose to look and find the positive?
It may sound cliche', but every morning I woke up and prayed to God thanking Him for letting me see another beautiful day. I thanked Him every night for another day with my baby and my wonderful husband.
And then there are things that happen to you that make you stop and wonder "Why did God choose me for that?"
One of those incidents happened to me. I realized that maybe I could help someone during this time.
I was sitting in the clinic going through my 5 hour chemo treatment when a young lady about the age of 25 or so sat down next to me and blurted out "How do you do it?" I was a little startled because I had never seen this lady before. So I asked her what she meant. She told me "How do you go through all of this and be so calm?" I explained that you end up doing what needs to be done. And then she got to the crux of her bewilderment. She said she couldn't understand how her mother could be so calm and accepting of her diagnosis. So I asked her if her mother was a Christian. She said yes. So I looked at her and said "Maybe she is calm and accepting because she knows that if she dies, she will be in heaven sitting next to God." She went on to explain how difficult it was for her to watch her mother go through all she has gone through, and now her blood counts were too low and they wanted her to have a transfusion. Well, her mother had refused the transfusion and this was tearing this young lady up. She, of course, wanted her mother to do everything she could to survive.
Then she got up and said that it was time to go with her mom to see the doctor again.
About 10 minutes later she came back and gave me a huge hug. She then explained that her mother had listened to our conversation and had decided to have the transfusion after all.
This was (and continues to be) a HUGE blessing for me. I was able to touch someone's life just by letting them know how I felt.
I believe that the mother was able to hear her daughter's side of this situation. Maybe she finally understood how scared her daughter was to lose her.
I honestly don't know. But I do know without a shadow of a doubt, that God used me to help someone else. WHAT A BLESSING to be used by GOD!
Monday, February 24, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
A Blessing
While I am sure there are people out there that think I am a nut because I think cancer is a blessing, let me assure you I am not. While my cancer helped define who I am today, I would not go back in time to go through it again. I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy. It is a difficult struggle. As a person you literally have to look your mortality in the eyes and decide what you will say to it.
I consider the fact that I did not go through denial. I knew before I ever went to the doctor that I had cancer. That gave me part of the courage I needed to fight.
It is interesting that after I watched my grandmother suffer through surgery and chemo for lung cancer is the mid 80's, I swore I would never have chemo if I was ever diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer continues to be a difficult cancer to treat. It was very hard on my grandmother. I watched a strong woman wither away from the chemo and the cancer. All the chemo she had to suffer through and we still lost her.
But I believe God made sure I had my first baby before my cancer reared it's ugly face. Please, don't get me wrong, I in NO WAY think that God gave me cancer. Not by a long shot. I believe it was my faith that helped me make it through.
I never even considered NOT having chemo. As a matter of fact, all through my cancer I would repeat these words: "Thank the good Lord that it is me and not my son, or husband, or any other one of my family!" I truly was thankful that it was me going through this journey. And the only way I would ever willingly go through it again is to keep one of my loved ones from having to experience that same journey.
My parents live in a different state, so I had to call and tell them over the phone. I remember talking to my father. He wasn't a christian at that time. One of the first things he said to me was "Why would God do that to you?" Without taking any time to think I told him "Daddy, God isn't doing this, the devil is. But it is God who will carry me through."
I had prayed for my father to be saved since the day I was saved at the age of 17. It took 10 years and my journey of cancer to help bring my father to the Lord.
But as I said earlier, I believe God made sure I had delivered my first baby before my cancer showed itself. Part of what helped keep me going was looking at my infant grow and being determined to be there to see all of his milestones.
I have been told many times how strong I was and how I was an inspiration. I can't take any credit. The Lord gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. And that is all I did, I took life day by day.
I consider the fact that I did not go through denial. I knew before I ever went to the doctor that I had cancer. That gave me part of the courage I needed to fight.
It is interesting that after I watched my grandmother suffer through surgery and chemo for lung cancer is the mid 80's, I swore I would never have chemo if I was ever diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer continues to be a difficult cancer to treat. It was very hard on my grandmother. I watched a strong woman wither away from the chemo and the cancer. All the chemo she had to suffer through and we still lost her.
But I believe God made sure I had my first baby before my cancer reared it's ugly face. Please, don't get me wrong, I in NO WAY think that God gave me cancer. Not by a long shot. I believe it was my faith that helped me make it through.
I never even considered NOT having chemo. As a matter of fact, all through my cancer I would repeat these words: "Thank the good Lord that it is me and not my son, or husband, or any other one of my family!" I truly was thankful that it was me going through this journey. And the only way I would ever willingly go through it again is to keep one of my loved ones from having to experience that same journey.
My parents live in a different state, so I had to call and tell them over the phone. I remember talking to my father. He wasn't a christian at that time. One of the first things he said to me was "Why would God do that to you?" Without taking any time to think I told him "Daddy, God isn't doing this, the devil is. But it is God who will carry me through."
I had prayed for my father to be saved since the day I was saved at the age of 17. It took 10 years and my journey of cancer to help bring my father to the Lord.
But as I said earlier, I believe God made sure I had delivered my first baby before my cancer showed itself. Part of what helped keep me going was looking at my infant grow and being determined to be there to see all of his milestones.
I have been told many times how strong I was and how I was an inspiration. I can't take any credit. The Lord gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. And that is all I did, I took life day by day.
Diagnosis
In April of 1996, I had just started back to work after having my first baby. I was excited to get back to work, feeling that life couldn't get any better. I had a wonderful husband and a brand new baby boy. It was within the first week of being back at work that I found my swollen lymph nodes.
I was sitting in traffic (wonderful rush hour traffic that creeps along) and had had long day. I rubbed my neck because it was a little stiff. I was surprised to feel bumps all over my neck. It was like someone had popped popcorn under my skin. It didn't hurt, but was very strange.
At that time I was a surgeon's assistant. I had assisted on numerous surgeries where a lymph node was removed and a diagnose of cancer was found.
I walked into my house, walked up to my husband and said "I have lymphoma. I'm gonna die."
I was very matter of fact, no hysterics. Me looked at me and said "No you don't. And no you won't." I replied that made an appointment with our primary care physician for that week. When I saw him he had a concerned look on his face, but explained that fighting an infection could cause my lymph nodes to swell up. I was skeptical but agreed to try a week's worth of antibiotics.
When I returned for the follow up appointment, I had more lymph nodes pop up. These were above my collar bone. I saw the look on his face. Just like me he knew I had cancer. He explained that the next step was to see a general surgeon for a lymph node biopsy. I was scheduled with a surgeon that I worked with. I saw the surgeon within 5 days and we had scheduled the biopsy for 2 days later.
This biopsy is not one where they can look at the tissue while you are in surgery (frozen section) and give you a diagnosis by the time you wake up from surgery. I had to wait 5 days for a diagnosis.
The surgeon and I agreed that if he received the results prior to my follow up appointment, he would call me. At that time, I was working in orthopedic (bone) surgery. The doctor and I played phone tag the day before my follow up. He had the results, but we just couldn't connect for me to hear them.
On the day I saw the surgeon for the results, my husband, my son, and I went into the office and were told that I had lymphoma. But the surgeon looked at me and said "But you already knew this didn't you?" I did. I was not surprised at all. I was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin's Lymphoma. That basically means that the Hodgkin's caused my lymph nodes to harden.
My next stop was an appointment with an oncologist. I was scheduled with the oncologist within 3 days. I was scheduled with one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever met. Dr. D. Thompson was patient, explaining everything as often as we needed. He never made us feel like he needed to hurry up to get to the next patient.
Our first step with Dr. Thompson was an explanation of my diagnosis. Hodgkin's Lymphoma is one of the cancers that has a high cure rate. I was told 75% chance of remission. but truthfully, if you are the one diagnosed with Cancer, you see your chances as 50/50: either you die or you live.
We had to determine what stage my cancer was. I was scheduled for a CT scan and that day I had a bone marrow biopsy. If it was in my bone marrow, stage 4, my only option was chemotherapy.
My bone marrow was clear. My CT scans were inconclusive. My cancer was extensive above my diaphragm, the mass in my chest was borderline in size, but nothing showed below my diaphragm. If I only had the cancer above my diaphragm, the treatment was radiation, if it was below my diaphragm I would need chemo. Dr. Thompson was concerned that it was so invasive all the way to my collar bone, that it could very well be below my diaphragm. (At this time PET scans were not yet in use). We discussed having an exploratory surgery. I went back to my general surgeon and we scheduled a staging laparotomy (they opened my belly and took lymph node biopsies from multiple places. While he was in there the surgeon ended up removing my spleen because it was affected by the cancer.
I went back to my oncologist and our plan was made. I would have chemo every 2 weeks for 6 months. More scans would follow and if I still had some cancer I would continue the chemo for 2 months at a time.
I started my chemo (Adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine, and DTIC) within 3 months of my first diagnosis. It felt like it had been years since my first diagnosis.
I was sitting in traffic (wonderful rush hour traffic that creeps along) and had had long day. I rubbed my neck because it was a little stiff. I was surprised to feel bumps all over my neck. It was like someone had popped popcorn under my skin. It didn't hurt, but was very strange.
At that time I was a surgeon's assistant. I had assisted on numerous surgeries where a lymph node was removed and a diagnose of cancer was found.
I walked into my house, walked up to my husband and said "I have lymphoma. I'm gonna die."
I was very matter of fact, no hysterics. Me looked at me and said "No you don't. And no you won't." I replied that made an appointment with our primary care physician for that week. When I saw him he had a concerned look on his face, but explained that fighting an infection could cause my lymph nodes to swell up. I was skeptical but agreed to try a week's worth of antibiotics.
When I returned for the follow up appointment, I had more lymph nodes pop up. These were above my collar bone. I saw the look on his face. Just like me he knew I had cancer. He explained that the next step was to see a general surgeon for a lymph node biopsy. I was scheduled with a surgeon that I worked with. I saw the surgeon within 5 days and we had scheduled the biopsy for 2 days later.
This biopsy is not one where they can look at the tissue while you are in surgery (frozen section) and give you a diagnosis by the time you wake up from surgery. I had to wait 5 days for a diagnosis.
The surgeon and I agreed that if he received the results prior to my follow up appointment, he would call me. At that time, I was working in orthopedic (bone) surgery. The doctor and I played phone tag the day before my follow up. He had the results, but we just couldn't connect for me to hear them.
On the day I saw the surgeon for the results, my husband, my son, and I went into the office and were told that I had lymphoma. But the surgeon looked at me and said "But you already knew this didn't you?" I did. I was not surprised at all. I was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin's Lymphoma. That basically means that the Hodgkin's caused my lymph nodes to harden.
My next stop was an appointment with an oncologist. I was scheduled with the oncologist within 3 days. I was scheduled with one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever met. Dr. D. Thompson was patient, explaining everything as often as we needed. He never made us feel like he needed to hurry up to get to the next patient.
Our first step with Dr. Thompson was an explanation of my diagnosis. Hodgkin's Lymphoma is one of the cancers that has a high cure rate. I was told 75% chance of remission. but truthfully, if you are the one diagnosed with Cancer, you see your chances as 50/50: either you die or you live.
We had to determine what stage my cancer was. I was scheduled for a CT scan and that day I had a bone marrow biopsy. If it was in my bone marrow, stage 4, my only option was chemotherapy.
My bone marrow was clear. My CT scans were inconclusive. My cancer was extensive above my diaphragm, the mass in my chest was borderline in size, but nothing showed below my diaphragm. If I only had the cancer above my diaphragm, the treatment was radiation, if it was below my diaphragm I would need chemo. Dr. Thompson was concerned that it was so invasive all the way to my collar bone, that it could very well be below my diaphragm. (At this time PET scans were not yet in use). We discussed having an exploratory surgery. I went back to my general surgeon and we scheduled a staging laparotomy (they opened my belly and took lymph node biopsies from multiple places. While he was in there the surgeon ended up removing my spleen because it was affected by the cancer.
I went back to my oncologist and our plan was made. I would have chemo every 2 weeks for 6 months. More scans would follow and if I still had some cancer I would continue the chemo for 2 months at a time.
I started my chemo (Adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine, and DTIC) within 3 months of my first diagnosis. It felt like it had been years since my first diagnosis.
Introduction
Hello. My name is Charlotte. I am a cancer survivor.
I have 2 wonderful boys. When I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma I was 27 and my oldest son was 4 months old and I had been married for 4 years. I had worked in the medical field for 6 years this time so I felt I had a good grasp on what I was facing. Boy was I wrong.
This blog is about what I faced and the blessings I received from my journey.
Thank you for joining me.
I have 2 wonderful boys. When I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma I was 27 and my oldest son was 4 months old and I had been married for 4 years. I had worked in the medical field for 6 years this time so I felt I had a good grasp on what I was facing. Boy was I wrong.
This blog is about what I faced and the blessings I received from my journey.
Thank you for joining me.
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