A Blessing

While I am sure there are people out there that think I am a nut because I think cancer is a blessing, let me assure you I am not. While my cancer helped define who I am today, I would not go back in time to go through it again. I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy. It is a difficult struggle. As a person you literally have to look your mortality in the eyes and decide what you will say to it.
I consider the fact that I did not go through denial. I knew before I ever went to the doctor that I had cancer. That gave me part of the courage I needed to fight.
It is interesting that after I watched my grandmother suffer through surgery and chemo for lung cancer is the mid 80's, I swore I would never have chemo if I was ever diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer continues to be a difficult cancer to treat. It was very hard on my grandmother. I watched a strong woman wither away from the chemo and the cancer. All the chemo she had to suffer through and we still lost her.
But I believe God made sure I had my first baby before my cancer reared it's ugly face. Please, don't get me wrong, I in NO WAY think that God gave me cancer. Not by a long shot. I believe it was my faith that helped me make it through.
I never even considered NOT having chemo. As a matter of fact, all through my cancer I would repeat these words: "Thank the good Lord that it is me and not my son, or husband, or any other one of my family!" I truly was thankful that it was me going through this journey. And the only way I would ever willingly go through it again is to keep one of my loved ones from having to experience that same journey.
My parents live in a different state, so I had to call and tell them over the phone. I remember talking to my father. He wasn't a christian at that time. One of the first things he said to me was "Why would God do that to you?" Without taking any time to think I told him "Daddy, God isn't doing this, the devil is. But it is God who will carry me through."
I had prayed for my father to be saved since the day I was saved at the age of 17. It took 10 years and my journey of cancer to help bring my father to the Lord.
But as I said earlier, I believe God made sure I had delivered my first baby before my cancer showed itself. Part of what helped keep me going was looking at my infant grow and being determined to be there to see all of his milestones.
I have been told many times how strong I was and how I was an inspiration. I can't take any credit. The Lord gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. And that is all I did, I took life day by day.